The Path to Being Yourself
Are you ready?
The path to being yourself is a lonely one.
It requires following your gut and believing that you know what’s best for you.
It’s breaking from the mould and traditions with which you were raised, either at home or in the community where you grew up, to forge your own way, on your time, taking action based on what you think is right.
This is wonderful in a lot of ways as there’s an immense sense of spiritual peace to experience in trusting yourself wholly.
But it also means that you’ll be alone. On your own. Often.
Above I put the word lonely in italics.
I never feel lonely. But I do spend a large chunk of my time alone.
Unlike in other languages where the same word is used for both, in English we distinguish the two. Lonely being a sentiment, alone being a state.
But for a lot of people, these words are often synonymous. They used to be so for me.
I spent a large portion of my life trying to be a part of a group. I was always looking for one. Whatever it may be. A sports team, community, national identity, friend groups. You name it.
I’m a middle child, and I embodied most of the middle child characteristics growing up. This was one of them. Trying to find your place, per se.
But the group elements would come and go. Things never seemed to last. Today, I describe myself as a journeyman, to use a sports term.
I’ve moved through many relationships, cities, jobs, and hobbies. “Starting over” rarely phases me anymore.
In the past these things did bother me. I could never understand why the good times never lasted. I just wanted to find that “pack”.
I came to accept two things:
We all have our own individual stories. Some people are journeymen, some people stick with one club, or a small few.
If you are relentless in wanting to forge your own path in life, it will require you to be on your own, a lot.
This acceptance was spiritually liberating for me.
I did always want to stand out. Be different. Take the path less followed.
Cheer for the underdog rather than the top dog.
Support the antihero.
I’ve faced a lot of adversity for the choices that I’ve made in my life.
Moving to a new city, taking on a new hobby, moving jobs, planning numerous solo travel, dying my hair blonde :)
To name a few.
It doesn’t matter what people say about you.
Because they’re not you, and life is lived through our own lens, with our own perspectives, based on our own life experiences and teachings.
I came to love rather standing out and being looked at as weird than following a path that didn’t align with what I wanted, just because it was the path that others tended to follow.
I never wanted to grow old and have regrets that I didn’t chase what I wanted, out of fear of being judged by others. Almost 29 years later – so far, so good.
And when you strive to be different and forge your own path, yeah, you often do it on your own.
That’s the price you pay to be your own person.
But it’s a vital teaching – is this what you really want?
Are you capable of handling life by yourself?
Do you trust yourself enough to forge a path and deal with all of the unknowns that it will bring?
You have to believe that it will all be okay, whatever you choose to do.
The worst thing that can happen to you in life is death, and even so, it’s not like you’ll be worried or stressed when your time comes.
I’ve embraced the beauty of the time that I spend alone because I am doing things that I want to do, aligning myself with the person that I don’t want to be, but I already am.
I’m on a path with many unknowns ahead, and nobody can help me with that because this path is the result of all of the previous decisions that I’ve made in my life.
And that means I’ll be alone a lot. Not just in terms of a physical state, but with my own thoughts.
And that’s okay.
I can figure it out.
Because I have before and I will again.
Because what I want is to be myself, and follow my gut.
And you can too.
