My Own Worst Enemy
Do old habits die hard?
I’ve been in my head for much of my life.
I know that’s a sentiment shared by many with whom I’ve had the privilege of meeting across the various countries where I’ve lived and experiences that I’ve undertaken.
Though it doesn’t make the feeling any easier.
I’ve accomplished a lot. A hell of a lot.
Yet despite all of the praise, the accolades, the accomplishments – none of it matters, because I don’t believe it for myself.
Do old habits die hard?
I thrive off of pressure. Always undertake (willingly) the hard roads to prove to myself that I can pull it off.
But I must be sincere with myself – is really just to prove it to myself?
Reflecting on my past choices, I think I made a lot of hard decisions – and suffered through the process – based upon the idea that external recognition would make it all worth it.
But who really cares.
I say that, but do I believe it?
I don’t know anymore. Nonetheless, I push on making hard moves and taking on serious uphill challenges.
By now it’s become a part of who I am. I guess old habits do indeed die pretty hard.
Ultimately I am my own worst enemy.
I could’ve been like mostly (never good to generalize) everyone else in my immediate circle(s) and taken the easy road. Stayed comfortable.
I didn’t. I always looked for that challenge that would render me unique.
And for the most part, I always executed my plan.
I guess I often find it hard to see the silver lining. I have my moments, but when things get tough sometimes, my mind becomes my worst enemy.
I am my own worst enemy.
I’ve been meaning to get back in here and write, share, be a little more open, in the hopes that it resonates with someone possibly feeling the same.
It would be optimal if this old habit of mine died sooner rather than later.
Just a little bit of peace of mind, in 2025.
